I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
