I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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