How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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