took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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