the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Randomize
