apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
