She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
