this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
