Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
