i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just pynch a tree in the face
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Bring me that man meat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
