YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
mondays should just be called national damage control day
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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