My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
