I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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