i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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