Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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