Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
