3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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