my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
