The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's the barista slut.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's official drugs can't kill me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
BRING THE BAGELS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
