and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
