you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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