she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
