Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
