he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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