I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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