Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
