I accidentally burped into my bong.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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