went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
