when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
