a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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