I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
