ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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