I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
