I just cut my nipple shaving
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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