Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
