So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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