Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and she was petting her beer can
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
