They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
