Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
