You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
