I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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