It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Vodka?
Forever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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