"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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