the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
