i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
