arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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