I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
