My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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