if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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