but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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