Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
