..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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