I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
