i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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