fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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