Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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