i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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