I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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