Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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