There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
