You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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