remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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