Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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