Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
