I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
