Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
