I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
