I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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