my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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