I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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