how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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