He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
