I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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