Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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