Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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