your parents love me but you hate me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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