Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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