He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
